Trump America's orange crush with fascism
a long held flirtation that has born strange fruit
America born in the name of freedom and slaughtered the Native people
directly or through disease
Land of slavery
Manifest destiny
and Bible bigotry

America that put a man on the moon
ended slavery
gave us Hollywood and Jazz, the internet and poets
stood up in WW1 and WW2
stood up to Stalin
America the refuge for Europe's poor and hungry
Refuge from Hitler

America so full of horror and hope

being, listening,
in the dark, in the quiet
of a new morning;
breathing in and breathing out,
in my mind's eye: a candle

there is nothing in my life
except plants,
and books,
and music,
and friends,
and my faults,
and kindness
and love

The warp and the weft.
Trying to brew a poem,
but it eludes me.

the stone on my bedside table
given to me to remember,
my mindfulness course.
Sits amongst the detritus of my life.
A tiny object,
easy to overlook,
amidst the sediment of life.
For me, it is heavy with significance.
If I died this moment,
like so many treasures,
out it would go
to the tip.
A poem, a letter, a sweet wrapper
given to me by Blue.
Trash.
Objects
Diamonds
Trash.
Dust
letter by letter
I fall away
a sinking stone
that skipped across the water.
A smile,
A sweet wrapper,
A stone.

I cried for a person I never met
the husband of the first man I ever kissed.
He is gone and I feel bereft.
My friend, my friend
your loss like the ocean
your loss like the sea
how vast and restless

I listened to a song
and the tears just flowed.
The injustice and the pain.
You live in another country
and I wonder where will be your home
Now
My friend, my friend

abseil into the darkness
to face my mind and be alone with it -
supported by a thin rope -
I dangle in the cave of my thoughts -
alone inside my skull -
I focus on my breath -
I try to remember my practice -
I let go -
I am alive
in the here and now

I do not fly
I do not fall
I am held by the air moving in and out of my lungs
I am held by the days and days of practice
I am held by the teaching of the masters - generations upon generations
Buddhas and sadhus
Men and women hold me with their wisdom
the wild mind may settle
or may not
I may sense the lotus
or I may not
I hang by a rope
an alarm sounds
Eyes open
the blue sky and clouds

I once planned to commit suicide by hanging myself -
I gave the rope away
and now I have nothing but the air moving in and out
a different kind of hope
it holds me

good morning
the day is beautiful
full of cool and peace
before global warming sets it on fire

I told the sky and the sea
my secrets
but they whispered them to the wind

desire
ink like tears
stain the page

the salt on your skin
imagined

in my defence
the ink ejaculates

I cannot swim through the darkness

I am blind

the tentacles suffocate me

she escapes
she is forever out of reach

the ink pixilates and dissolves
washed away in the storm

light pierces the sea to a depth

on the beach I breathe

I do not write this in ink
it is merely electrons

on the screen
then in the cloud

she escapes
she is forever out of reach

starlight
the sun

I burn in her presence
I burn in the cold without her

sleep Leviathan
let Andromeda be
I am not Perseus
you deserve your hero

I am cast on the beach
and in my solitude, my solace
is to listen to the waves

I write your name in sand

reading Nikita Gill's twitter feed, full of poems, and
suddenly crying
I had to stop
too much
too much for my naked heart
I didn't even reach the beginning of June
just a few days

too much
too much
love

I hope this letter finds you well

I hope that the blue sky holds you in his arms

I hope that the silence between us is full of trust

I hope that between each line the green tendrils and rich sea scapes connect

I swirl

I am enchanted

I hope for you happiness

I am disconnected

I am alone

I dream of connection
and I hope

always the blue sky

every morning I look for you

I seek but do not see

that I carry you in my blood and in my heart

you are the air I breathe

you are my friend and I love you

they're there
quite quiet
as the dawn sweeps across the planet

I meditate in the April light

new leaves and fading blossom
it turns
it turns
our planet
the solar system embedded in the Orion Arm
our galaxy
turns

birds wheel in flight

the mud slowly settles
in the stirred mind

note and
breathe

they're there,
my thoughts,
of you and the blue sky,
I let them go
and start my day

the sunset of love
a long night
waiting for the dawn

you know that I love you right
I mean full on
think about you constantly
love you

but you're married
have been for years
and I believe he makes you happy
and I want you to be happy

I tell myself it is obsession
there is no reality
no basis in shared reciprocity
mutual interaction
and yet
you own a corner of my soul
it is only love
and I'll live

my mind
my meditation
sitting on my mat
with my back resting against the wall

my room
my Earth
my liitle corner of the universe

Friday morning:
I feel too full of can't this morning.
Can't cope.
Can't deal with it.
But I am trying to can.

Friday evening:
I could
I did
I can

trying to find my voice -
trying to keep going +
trying to be positive /
trying to just be *

the 2020s so far have been challenging
and I wonder what's next
love
hope
questions
pointers to memories
a stack of work
a heap of new change