wash my clothes, water
the plants, start a book, make
a chilli - porridge

the wings of the crow
fly over the worm rich soil -
on the ground fruit rots

the dark seeps under
the door and peers at me through
the window - spiders

the sea calls me and
the river is married to
the rain - purple sky

walking worm food and
dust - my heart beats for now but
the present unwraps

the dark storm returns
and rages and burns my soul
naked again - raw

follow the path to
the waking world beyond the
emotions - colours

crazy insane mad -
the jittery jagged reds
screaming - the dark storm

one magpie is all
I ever see, I search but
fail, maybe one day

in the dark storm, I
cut my wrists and out flew crows,
which pecked and fought - Moon

walking in the dawn
light after being naked
in the dark storm - breathe

walk into the night
and sink beneath the waves of
sleep - drown in rainbows

the psychosis leaks
out of my eyes - the darkness
smells of rotten milk

chalk - tea - shells - the beach -
images and random thoughts -
flooded neurons - web

inside the warm smell
of roasting chicken - outside
the dark and rain - tea

early morning light
fills the day like flood water,
colour seeps in - tea

solid shapes and dark
shadows - rain soaked visions in
the early morning

ancient sea life - chalk -
children writing on the street -
hopscotch squares - school - time

walk up the hill and
look at the view of stars, the
city and smile - chalk

slice my brain - pickle
it - concentrate the darkness
and sell the despair

drown me slowly in
the river of your eyes and
let me sleep and dream

overheard voices -
real or hallucination -
visions in the dark -
when I see you speak, I know -
if not then doubt gnaws my eyes

steadily - firmly
apply the brakes - my runaway
mind - slows - copes - I'm safe

drink from the well of
darkness and hallucinate
the river of stars

serene - tranquil - waves
and breathing - take some time - be -
drink the air deeply

patchwork of leaves on
the wet pavement as I walk
to work - evening shift

I am broken and
I feel the darkness shine from
the cracks in my mind

drink a cup of tea
and let go of Erebus - breathe deep
then shave and bathe - live

the lynch mob - witch - witch -
burn the old woman - feedback
loops - hysteria

triangle circle
square - pyramid ball cube - time -
infinity - blue

take a razor and
slice open my eye, then watch
the darkness pour out

blood, memory, tears -
the forest floor sodden wet,
leaves and moss - the bridge

fold the darkness and
cover it in silence - stars
fall and shadows grow

where were they're there their -
you're your it's its words words words -
meaning from the well

artificial light
cuts into my eyes - yellow
jagged photons - tilt

silver diamonds rain -
the snow falling on graves and
light falling on leaves

lying beneath the
ice and rock a fire burns - Mount
Erebus growls - life

storms pass and the dead
are buried - wars end - empires
fall - the sun rises

austerity votes
Keynes - elections - Euro -
storms at sea pass - sky

sandwiches for work -
beer on Saturday night - it's
like being normal

chicken casserole -
washing machine on spin - a
domestic day - warm

hours work money time
life calculations money
time hours money

stone water pool blue
dreams colours floating flying
diving drifting sleep

how is it my fault -
feedback anxiety - blame -
fear - let go - fuck it

the year pulls into
the dark - the fog and leaves - wet -
constant damp - grey days

the moon - the tide - light
and dark - menstruation - leaves
falling - the rhythms

watching clouds - watching,
day by day, as the leaves turn
and fall - the rhythms

talk about ideas -
fixate on empty landscapes -
swim through the snow drift

in the dark - collect
single photons from stars near
time's beginning - pool

in the dark - loops - stars -
dopamine - motor function -
inside outside - fire

fire neural networks
inside a dream - memories
awake and links - fresh

an extension of
the human sensorium
crawls across Mars - eyes

breathe - feedback to the
beach and flow with the waves - in
and out - rhythms - time

fragments of madness -
ceramic shards set with glue -
maggots and flies - food

clamber over the
wall and drop to the other
side - I push myself

the photons smash my
eyes with diamonds and waves of
colour and grey - walls

the domino wave
of days falling - Rome burns - Moon
walk - Red Giant Sol

frozen - the bridge - rope -
starlight - the scaffolding - choice -
jump or live - moments

thirteen point seven -
the constant wave of now, we
ride from birth to death

flooded red brick ruins -
a dream landscape I swim through -
drip - ripples - green - blue

get plenty of sleep
and swim in the chocolate
river of dreams - milk

noisy students next
door - my karmic comeuppance
for when I was one

blisters on my feet -
pierce with a knife and watch clear
fluid emerge - soft

sand - driftwood - shells - dunes -
waves - gulls - warmth - sailing boats - breeze -
spinnaker - water

seduce the rainbow
and wrap the sunlight inside
a memory - tea

wrapped in silence - a
duvet of dark warmth - holding
me tenderly - black

sleep calls me and the
melody of the river
is far away - drift

bees - ants - spiders - wasps -
fear - work - swarm intelligence -
bitter sweet pill - breathing

caught in a feedback
loop -- anxiety makes me
anxious and I spin

I could not claim to
be happy - I could not claim
to be sad - sea shells

it was only the
roaring of lions in my
blood - fight or flight - breathe

water - the beach - shells -
the sunlight - the waves
breaking - sensations

cares - anxieties -
fears - psychoses - gravel dragged -
vinegar washed - wave

walk in the light of
simple things - friends, good books, wine
and good food - live life

Fiona Bone - you
weren't the pretty one - you
were the leader - first in

badger, hard worker
sociable with inner steel
the cyclops killed you
no Odysseus to save you
no hero
did you shield your young
companion
or was it too quick,
too brutal -
blown from life
a routine call

Fiona Bone of
the thin blue line - bad luck and
monsters killed you - dice

inchworm - beauty - art -
Blake - Newton - science - Hubble -
the cosmos - truth - Keats

I am not alone.
I have friends and will make it
through - walk on the beach

a constant battle
against the anxiety -
win inches of space

monster wrestling
wears me out like fighting a
rip tide - exhaustion

stroke the monster and
learn control - stop the rampage
through my soul. - Taste quiet - .

coping strategies -
learn to breathe - learn to let go -
learn to hope - learn - live

chains - nettles - eyes - hooks -
tear my flesh and my soul --- wash
me with air - cleanse me

kibble clobber klein
the bottle space dimensions -
schizoid pieces bow

odd ball loner who
lacks self esteem or just
a romantic? - who?

step back and let go -
flow and drift on a silken
stream - to the sea - air

the jagged jangles -
the butterflies that bite and
gnaw your stomach - fear

don't go there -- put the
darkness down and live in the
moment - a lily

all of the shadows
wait and watch - the ants whisper
and the spiders dance

so close to the edge,
I see a vision of a
future - stars shining

a shoulder - river -
harlequin - time - salt and the
beach - uncertainty

the violence of
time which takes no prisoners
and has no mercy

break the discarded
shells and crumble them onto
the sand - violence

seaborg and nargles,
washed by the sun of true friends,
float and dissolve - salt

seaborg and nargles -
dragonflies and the river -
the beach and the rain

the shape of silence
is smooth and round - a pebble
the size of an egg

The dark whispers in
my ear, "Summer is dying".
Night creeps and rises.

aeroplanes - lions -
dragonflies and zoos - twisted
thoughts and jealousy

I had a bucket
full of rain water - like love:
it went down the drain

You took his name and
I need to accept that and
be happy for you.

just make a cup of
tea and do the laundry and
plod. You took his name.

learn the alphabet -
the pasta shapes and pesto
of poverty - ice

learning to live with
fear and stress and not drown in
the tsunami - walk

zombies lurch and yet
slowly I cope with the fear
and learn to survive

a blood splattered wall -
a bridge - a rope - exit right -
paracetamol

strawberries - wine gums -
fruit tea and sunshine - books - friends -
stroking a cat - swim

Godzilla screaming
is how it feels - racing heart
panic attack - waves

tidy unused love
into a box, and keep it
safe; in case of fire

I put my heart in
vinegar to preserve it -
a jar on a shelf

cut my heart and let
fall a drop of blood into
the river - dissolve

sew a patch onto
my heart with a needle and
nettle thread - acid

a boat on the sand
full of holes and moss - flaking
paint - drawer with seashells

I saw the river
flow past my dream of love and
I'm a boat on sand

I saw the river
flow past my dream and I was
left awake - a boat

I saw the river
flow past my dream - gravity
called it to the sea

I saw the river
flow past my dream - it quenched
my soul's ache - the sea

the colours mingle
and spin - transfiguration -
identities fold

the bride wore red and
walked around the fire with him -
barefoot and smiling

you looked so happy -
I must dig my veins and be
happy for you - green

the ashes of love
reveal a phoenix - it flies -
it must be free - sky

phoenix egg - magic
thoughts - swirling red silk and gold -
walk around the fire

listen to music -
slide - drink tea - slide - spin and
circle - slide - and fall

put my hand into
the boiling water and feel
the release - let go

I held the screaming
inside today - the bubbles
are diminishing

I can not say. My
tongue must be sealed in wax. My
feelings ... you are his

take my heart, cut it
into thin strips, gently fry
over a low heat

cloud - pyramid - oil -
basil - bonsai - badger - work -
the bridge - red chillies

lemon sorbet heart -
in the dark, in the light - sour -
sweet - an asteroid

I insist you love me,
but you don't, fall free from the
gravity and fly

I bleed in the dark
but it's OK, the river
washes my soul - salt

go left and take the
interesting path - journey
through woods and mountains

hold on, hold on as
the days fall like rain drops - dance -
eat mashed potato

I drink fruit tea - breathe -
embroidering the silence
without you with calm

vignettes of darkness
and sunlit beaches washed by
smooth breathing waves - fold

the choices you make
that ripple down the time line
of your life - drugs - school

let the poison in
my head drain away through my
tears - remember light

the weeds tangled in
my head, that choked my path and
left me lonely - breeze

my brain fizzles and
pops - new medication sinks
into the grey sponge

dandelion and
buddleia and cannabis -
weeds that coil and spread

knowledge
know ledge
shelf, ledge, edge of the sea
a beach on which wash up strange ideas, dreams and thoughts
mindfulness
collect driftwood see the shapes and textures
the ledge that rises out of the depths
a special place to walk

collecting driftwood
for a fire on the beach - turn
the sand to glass - stars

quiet the riot
of agitation and breathe
swimming oxygen

the writhing earthworms -
bird food - eaters of corpses -
dank decay - mushrooms

a playground of frogs
and snails - the night time rain in
summer - the earthworms

dip into a book
like going for a swim in
a beautiful pool

my eyelids are sewn
shut with nettles - the future
spins dark gravity

medication and
meditation - I cling to a
jagged cliff - salt air

my heart is tattooed
with blue ink - her name, demons,
and eyes - stop the drum

building sand castles
that will be washed away by
the tide of time - smoke

I am a loser
and I drift away on the breeze -
a purple balloon

whisper psychosis
and plant the seeds of demons -
dandelion roots

tears of a dragon
burn diamonds and hang from my
fingertips like dew

there is a darkness
in me which shines from my eyes -
wash it away - love

steam open her mind
and read the contents - letters
of darkness and light

focus on the smell -
barefoot in the woods - the moon -
the stirring leaves - blink

the silk sun shines gold
on the wall and fades - as day
turns to twilight - breathe

turn the elephant
upside down and paint flowers
on your eyelids - silk

close your eyes and breathe,
let the dark water wash you,
and float - live now - swim

belong - begin - try -
the water dances with light -
chilli - incense - flow

gently, gently hold
my mind - keep it away from
the fire - razor blade

the delusions and
all the illusions within -
magical thinking

I fall and I fear
the inexorable tide
sweeping in - darkness

on the ocean floor
amid the coral and the
fish -- swirling currents

zombies are marching
across the ocean floor - to
my island - my home

the house leaks and the
sky is grey - wet summer - green
verdant growth - damp warmth

holding on tight to
a silk thread - survival - blind
to the future - ping

watched by ants and the
spiders are listening - blink
because the eyes scream

although tomorrow
I may commit suicide,
today the sun shone

sawdust and tears - paint -
the hearth - the sunshine - blue pool -
fresh air and flowers

the mountain - the snow -
I live by the river - quiet -
crayon on the wall

alienated -
razor blade fracture - mountain,
another planet

lemon - vinegar -
wine - clear light through water - pain -
love - loss - mountain - snow

I love to dream but
tonight I saw the ovens
of Auschwitz - dust plumes

Holocaust ovens -
Not for baking bread - cooks flesh
And turns it to dust

I saw the dust plumes -
Holocaust volcanoes - dream -
crematoria

There was a train and
a valley filled with ashes -
Holocaust ovens

the seasons - rhythms -
the sun phasing in and out -
photons and shadows

gods and goddesses
of rivers and fire, the sky,
the seasons - rhythms

acidalia -
Aphrodite washes in the
fountain - the Graces

close the door and switch
off the lights - I don't live here
anymore - darkness

let go of the dark -
let go of tomorrow and
yesterday too - clear

desert - swirling wind -
loneliness - martian wasteland -
acidalia

slut - whore - magdalene -
words thrust at women who break
the rules - labels - roles

buddleia - nano -
the postcyberpunk visions -
rain and ants - neurons

I am dragged across
a carpet of razor blades
and blood - the ants watch

the joy of life and
the Protestant work ethic -
the beach and the ants

I want to whip you
and I want to lick you 'til
you shudder and burn

staring at the wall -
lost deep inside magical
thinking - swim - surface

circle - gravity -
hydrogen - supernova -
tidal forces - make

it doesn't have to
be perfect - the important
thing is "to do" - shells

lemon and water -
the changing light moving through
the glass - ice surface

drift on the breeze like
a money spider - sky high -
across oceans - reach

I need to rewire -
neuroplasticity is
my hope - change - learn - build

pasta, green pesto,
soured cream with chillies, spring
onions and sausage

slice, slide, sycamore -
propeller, parent - death - dust -
metal rich stars - time

drink water - hide in
clouds of sleep and dream of flight -
kites and balloons - sand

midnight from my eyes
burn hollow flower stems and
petals turn to ice

detach from the world
and stop worrying about
things you cannot change

the campfire burns bright -
Corona Borealis -
and satellites pass

Erebus and Nyx -
a fantasy that haunts me -
it will never be

Lagrange point - balance -
Ithaca - swimming - changing
light and the tide - Moon

slowly walking home -
little girl on my shoulders -
my friend's daughter - shells

silver - purple - black -
the end of the river smiles -
shoulder - gentle rain

globular clusters -
the Milky Way's rotation -
the Crab Nebula

a zeppelin of
emotion on fire - raining
debris down my soul

it takes - time and love
to overcome trauma - the
first step - and courage

I fold the silence
into parcels and eat it
like ravioli

mustard - shells - photons -
a multiverse of bubbles -
O-type star burning

the clear warm water -
friends and light glittering dance -
remember sunlight

blades of grass - ants with
mandibles sharp - scuttling,
searching - random paths

magical thinking -
Erebus and Nyx - liquid
gravity - clusters

clay - mud - weeds - nature -
the forest - ants foraging -
emergence - patterns

walk in the sunlight -
walk under the stars - photons -
weightless hope - magic

put your hand under
the tap, feel the water flow
and watch the light dance

wander with purpose -
the pursuit of happiness -
an ant in a maze

my mind wanders from
the Cambrian Explosion
to Andromeda

tiger - buddha - dice -
poker chip - chilli pepper -
555 timer

jump Yossarian -
survival and learning - break
and remould - glue - build

the world is too loud
for my sanity to bear -
needles pierce my eyes

splintering fragments -
brittle ceramic self chips,
blisters and melts - help

steam - flowers - clouds - bricks -
the maze of rainbows and tears -
friction - teeth - boat - tea

the sleeping dragon
with suicide claws - darkness
razor and vomit

steam - friction - atoms -
electrons - copper - foil - north -
charged particles - cell

photon rain falling
from the blue - there is no ice
just silver freedom

asteroid - darkness -
independence - ice - shadows -
distant sun - orbit

different flavours
from head and tails - character -
add water and lime

distill the spirit -
save the heart - discard the rest -
love is all - drink deep

stimulus - response -
a word - a spider - art - tears -
mind and soul react

surface - texture - wall -
the changing light - the mirrors,
reflections, shadows

make a map of a
word - the valleys and mountains -
a thousand contexts

slowly - simple - build -
release and relax - unfold -
live life - stretch, eat, laugh

light sparkling fizz
of photons dancing off the
water - swirl - glisten

Erebus - the bridge -
water - dew in the morning -
awake - asteroid

lemon zest and lime -
blue flower and vodka - Nyx -
shield and desire - smoke

feathers - dinosaurs -
orbits - oceans - Europa -
seeds - meteorites

Little by little -
a lullaby for nargles -
quiet my wasps - sleep

crayons for the soul -
express, like a child; trees, sun,
stars and the moonlight

walk out of the wood
and read a good book - the bridge
of wrought darkness melts

egg fried rice - mushrooms -
silicon - main function - love -
layers - sediment

my maladaptive
coping strategies have to
change - dance and lemon

spiders - bills - money -
washing up - jagged - jagged
fear - learning to cope

talking of my plan
for suicide - listening,
the doctor - step - step

citrus - mushroom - rope -
poison eyes - anxiety -
doctor tomorrow

learning to relax
and resist the fight or flight
adrenaline bite

voices over wires
and images over light -
the modern world linked

snowdrops - crocuses -
daffodils - tulips and Spring -
evolving colour

the peace of my heart
that I left with you, unquiet
and bleeding I wait

jagged broken mind,
flaking and shaking with fear,
turn my back and swim

splinters - fragments - loop
spinning thoughts spiral repeat
help me I'm falling

will I see next year,
I try and live day by day -
sirens call - endif

define mylife - (its
functions), trying to love, work,
and create - struggle

ifndef mylife -
drifting - lazy - good - have friends -
books - films - dreams of her

vodka, fresh lime and
soda alternating with
Guinness - suicide

I dreamt of rivers
and the sea, toy boats, flooded
cities - a playground

photons - love - stars - tears -
heart distillate - and a bit
of head and tail - blood

facing the madness
and the swirling winds that drive
my thoughts like clouds - fly

places on the map
that I gaze at - that bring me
peace - Chesapeake - Loire

in my fractured mind -
shuffle the pieces to make
a pleasing picture

force quit - the bridge - rain -
self esteem - cast iron - plants -
the disused railway

the bones of the skull -
the delicate case of nerves -
anatomy - flesh

the transmutation
of symbols inside dreams, nerves
fire and dance - twist - swirl

association
and memory, wood pigeon -
I'm a child - Sandbanks

balloon - blue - music -
release me and sail away
before I burst - moon

rainy April day,
film day, book day, programming,
while away the time

taste the sunlight fruit
inside the wine and release
the emotion - tears

vodka - distilled from
sunlight - add more sun in the
form of orange juice

walking through the fields,
the sunshine feels like laughter -
end up at the pub

fear - anxiety -
homosexuality -
race - the devil - kids

tomorrow or
in a hundred years, when I
die, the next Spring will ...

light - water - stars - milk -
cover my eyes and sleep 'til
dreams evaporate

the darkness inside
burns my hope, consuming me,
wither in the fire

my gallows tree gate
home sleeps in the moonlight, bridge
to oblivion

nuclear fallout,
the drizzle of cinders - ash -
half-life - the ruins

meaning and knowledge,
the slow accumulation,
geological

whisper and listen,
for the moonlight's reply, hope -
the glass and lemon

the shells - the bones - crunch,
dry, brittle as leaves - dead, drift,
plate tectonics - waves

falling from the bridge,
dancing in the air, I do
not see tomorrow

burning in the cold,
burning in the dark, as I
fall, heaven is locked - shriek

slowly bleed the tears
from inside - disengage the
spirals and let go

I want to hold you
in my eyes and never let
you go - flower blue

drinking water - light -
lemon zest and clear - we talk,
blue electrons - glass

the march of the borg
and the cyber damned - punks in
Burma - aesthetics

cut my throat and watch
my eyeballs dry - in time
the moonlight melts bones

introvert - books and
stars, the beach and programming,
poetry - water

I like peace and quiet,
not the sensory onslaught,
overload - beach

in the radiance,
in a shower of light, swim
in the photons - warm

I like to cry and
release - just for a moment -
the feelings inside

orbiting a star,
periapsis - breaks my heart,
still too far from warmth

watching changing light -
the complex emotions shift,
rise and fall - human

seaborg and nargles -
fruit tea and sun rise - photons
shoot from fusion - build

I'm too scared to die,
I'm scared of being homeless,
the future rips me.

find the path - survive -
navigate the darkness - this
too shall pass - and light

rejection - blood - eyes -
pills - suicide - self esteem -
break - broken - glue - hope

seaborg and nargles -
the desire and the despair -
poison and rope - love

seaborg and nargles -
moon full of serenity -
blue you tear me - Klimt

drowning not waving -
you do not see me - I am
an acquaintance - sand

I am lost and last
and falling - letting go - shells
crunch under my feet

twisted - tilted - sharp -
spiraling thoughts - delusions -
paranoia - fire

salt - spiders - childhood -
razors - survival - echoes -
dust - day by day - teeth

the sand and pebbles -
changing shape of the coastline -
fossils in the cliffs

the sea - the castle -
the burning ships - history -
stars burn and fail - shells

staring at the wall -
zombied by medication -
psychosis at bay

burn the melodies -
drown the sunsets with razors -
money keeps the score

lost in the forest
Varus and the legions - trees
and leaves bury them

letters - photographs -
my father's hat - to me
possessions of worth

talon - liver - death -
alcohol - release - the sharp
stab of tomorrow

within the confines
of seventeen sounds - the pulse
of an idea

sea glass tumbling -
deep time - geology - star
formation and fall

I see your face and
listen to the eyelashes
that whip my heart - cut

mustard - carbon - steel -
chilli seeds - roots - friends - love - dance -
rolling - tumbling

dance between bubbles -
swim through the silken dreams of
liquid - gasps - grasps - gone

gaps in the clouds - strange
the roller coaster journey
in light - low tide sand

purple - the words - string
of silence threaded through blue
and red - valentine

watering the plants
and making a stew, slowly
moving through the day

creating habits -
remould your life to explore
talents - stretch and learn

folded - bound - breathing -
the darkness lingers in the
corners and waits - turns

the rainforest coughs
and struggles for air amid
the choking fires - threat

my mind was whipped with
nettles and I survived curled
under dream's blue skies

eating soil - spitting
out the fragments of sorrow -
tend the plants - blindfold

backbone of jelly -
creature made of porcelain -
I am both - under

I can't see the path
the fog has closed in - I move
inch by inch - the cliff

tide pool - shadow - edge -
heroin - sleep - sea of clouds -
loneliness - escape

I see the mirror
and the fragments of eyes - melt
boiled cabbage smell

a sliver of light -
maybe, maybe - a photon
of promise - of life

sunset Groundhog Day -
to accumulate worth and
make life meaningful

I grasp at straws as
they blow away in the wind -
tomorrow scares me

jump cut - staccato -
fractured - strobe light - general
anxiety - breathe

I worry - I play
with scenarios until
anxiety screams

unravel the rope -
the fears and darkness swinging
blindly in the night

ruby and sapphire -
tender the love and stop - shells,
electrons, pressure

broken eyes and fire
on the tongue from chilli burn,
hope and pain - rainbow

clay plant pot - rhythms -
water flowing from the tap -
development - change

spice and herbs - flavour -
creation and blank paper -
sperm and ovum - dance

growing chilli seeds,
finding the motivation
little by little

a weekend away -
time with friends - light for the soul -
the warm embrace - peace

I was very dark -
but I reached out - and friends grasped
my hand - close - too close

walking in the dark -
the sea of tranquility
far away - cars - eyes

you dance and dance and
cut my heart into ribbons,
wear them in your hair

wrapped in chocolate,
blindfolded in the silence,
wandering landscapes

experiment - drive -
square wave sleep and dreams - strobing -
jolt and sink - fracture

a plane's vapour trail -
the jingle jangle laughter -
strobe lights in the trees

sleep - memory - dreams -
coffee edge - mirror shard slice -
tangled mangled light

sleep - memory - dreams -
modelling the world - feelings -
landscapes - rivers - rain

samurai washing -
Odysseus blood spattered
before his nurse - home

sometimes the sky clears,
the sun shines through - better days
when the pain retreats

to live with the pain -
cancer of the soul - clenched knots
of darkness - eating

I want to live but
the quicksand pulls at my soul
and I am drowning

look to the future?
the empty maw that yawns wide -
a mustard seed - grasp

the night looked at me
and I was hollow, a wall,
a pebble on fire

throw exceptions and
catch the errors - interrupts -
you looked at me - Nyx

peasant food - garlic -
chicken and sunshine - peppers
and enchiladas

weave a tapestry
and dance in Neptune's orbit -
scorpion love - moon