packing my life into boxes
that sit snuggly around work
I am on the hamster wheel
eat sleep work
eat sleep work
collapse at the weekend
then back on the wheel

I feel like a pebble
falling through water
to rest in sleep

diff -u then now > meditation.patch

there will always be days
when the urge strikes
to take a razor to my wrists
or put a rope around my neck
but I am learning
I am healing

20 years ago
I spiralled
I got lost in the dark

the difference now
the patch
to learn not to follow my thoughts
into the darkness
to concentrate
to focus
to allow my breathing
to release the thoughts
I am alive
and breathing

lost in the forest
emotions raging within
the only way out is through

it is not about sex
but kindness and listening
which perhaps, ultimately,
is real love

a single comma
like a tear in a poem
love,

ping pong
life goes on

to me to you
I dream and I rue
that love eludes me
though I wander through fields
with friends who are my found family
I always wanted my own family,
a wife
children

ping pong
life goes on