I remember
I remember
Rockin' and Rollin'
to Hüsker Dü and MBV
I remember
I remember
Being 13 maybe 14
in a dark garage
standing on an upended suitcase
with electrical cable tied around my neck
Rockin' and Rollin'
Gathering my courage
I jumped and the cable snapped
Now I am Rockin' and Rollin'
with memories crowding in on me
I remember the handprint she made
on the student halls wall
her period blood mixed with my cum
I remember
I remember
Rockin' and Rollin'
movie quotes
and song lyric fragments
explode - fireworks and mortar shells -
wash up on the beach
and now I can't sleep

unwind
unwind
let the clock drift like a raft

pardon me for being a fool
pardon me for not stepping back
I said the words I can't retract
it is dark without you

I see no dawn ahead
I must learn to live again
to slowly uncurl my fern frond heart
and stretch towards Spring

my love for you is locked deep in my heart
I must take the key
and let it free
to fly
to fly
and let me be
complete
in the knowledge
that you don't love me
and that's OK
I release myself
from a prison I made myself
in myself
be free and fly

my feelings for you
are perhaps just psychotic residue
that slowly burns away
in the light of reality
and yet yet yet
I
you
I cannot see

Let the dew burn away this morning

I stand in the ruins of our friendship
and survey the wreckage
I measure the memories
from 20 plus years
gone down the shitter
if if if
if I hadn't been such a twat

too late

I am a man in black
the colour in my world
is other people
slowly this is changing
I am wearing rainbow socks

Lightly lightly
Meditate gently and softly
Like a small candle
Flickering